I miss his uniqueness. I miss being around him. I miss his presence, his personality. Last night at Bible study we were sharing the results of a personality test we had taken, and I couldn't help but think of Marshall when I saw the characteristics of "Reserved." He fit them so perfectly!

- works alone or one on one (definitely)
- be serious (not so much Marshall)
- be practical
- not worry about what others think (definitely him!)
- be modest
- work quietly and listen (definitely - I worked along side of him a lot and he would do the job quietly, quickly, and perfectly. He was also a good listener. Sometimes on the way to school or on the way back home, I would just be driving and blabbing and he would just listen to me ... )
- be withdrawn, alone
- appear secretive
- be pessimistic
- be curt
- appear shy
- drained by social contact (not so much Marshall - I wouldn't say he was drained by it, he just went with the flow, but normally wouldn't seek out contact of people he didn't know very well.)

Mom used to say he was like a Labrador Retriever. I imagine a big, gentle yellow lab with shaggy hair ... laid back, doesn't get too excited or too angry about anything, even-paced, patient, very loyal, but has this firey streak in him that lashes out when someone puts his family in danger.

I just miss knowing him. I am afraid I will forget who he was. IS, Heidi, IS! Who he IS! I have to keep reminding myself that he still IS - he is still the same person who God made him to be. Now that he is with his Creator, he is all the more the Marshall God made him to be now that sin is not warping that beautiful creation. Oh I can't wait to see him again! I wonder what he looks like? I wonder what he is doing right now? Will he look the same? Will he still be 20, skinny, cute, and smart? I want to see that little smirk again - when he knows he's just said something funny and you look over at him and there he is, just sitting there with that sparkle in his eyes and that little smirk on his face. Oh gosh I miss him. Tears are streaming down my face ... I'm crying for Mason too ... I wonder what he is thinking about while at Basic Training ... does he not think of his brother all the time? His letters are so like Marshall's - even the handwriting looks the same.

I just realized that this Blog is called, "Hagen Updates" but I'm not a Hagen anymore! Oh well.

Heidi