Are you out there?

One thing I still don't understand is how I should feel about my anger about Marshall's death because I feel like I don't have an object to which to direct my anger. So that makes it worse because I don't know why I am angry or who I am angry at. There was no "evil person" intentionally killing him as part of a genocide. Sometimes I wish he would have just died in Iraq because then I could explain it. I would more easily understand that he died for a reason, with purpose. There would be good guys and bad guys. He would have died with honor and bravery. Instead, he was hit by a car and killed in an instant. And I don't even know the people in the other car. I mean, do they even care about us? What must they be thinking? Do they know about our family? Do they know that a boy was killed in the van they hit? Did they watch the news stories? Did they secretly try to find out more information? Are they haunted with guilt? Do they still think about it today? Were they physically hurt? WHY DON'T THEY WANT TO TALK TO US???? I am just dying to know what and who and where they are! I mean, it's like Marshall's death and Mason's injuries are all tragic and everything, but we have talked about our grief, but then there is this huge pink elephant on the highway that NO ONE is talking about! Hello? Do you read this blog? Are you out there? If you're reading this, I love you and want to know if you are okay. I have prayed for you. I heard there was a woman driving with other people (kids?) in the van. I found your Ford emblem buried in the hood of my brother's burnt car. I think I left it there. If you're reading this, I want you to know that we don't blame you AT ALL. Yes, I have anger issues, but not towards you. I don't know what it's towards; it's just there because my brother isn't. God, the controller of this whole universe, destined your van to hit my brothers'. There was a hill. The speed limit is fast. You can't see over the top of that hill to see people turning in to the landfill. You did not kill my brother. Sin did. We will all die one day because of sin, and God says that He takes the righteous away in order to spare them from more evil. So, God used you to spare my brother from evil, not bring it. I hope and pray that that day, November 22, 2007, has drawn you closer to God, and that if I never meet you in this life, then someday I will see you in paradise, with Marshall.

"... no one understands
that the righteous are taken away
to be spared from evil."
-Isaiah 57:1

Notice the date on this photo: Who would have guessed that in one year ... ?

Love,
Heidi