“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
- Proverbs 18:24
Did Jesus have sisters? I wonder how close they were growing up. Did they believe in him? How did they feel when he died? Did their hearts ache with grief and confusion at his unjust and tragic death?
A friend gave birth to her baby last month. Her baby was born at 11:22am. She doesn’t know about Marshall or the accident. Why was her baby born at 11:22? Was it just for me? God continues to sweetly remind us that He remembers. He cares. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.
My oldest son Silas, whose middle name is Marshall, had Marshall’s old camo cap from the Army. Marshall joined the Army right before they switched to digicam. So he received the full uniform in the old camo, then got a new set of BDUs in digicam. At 17, Marshall was super slim and still growing just like his dad at that age. In fact, he was almost rejected from the Army for not making weight. My mom reminded me that we were praying for him to gain 10 lb. At weigh-in, he was still 5 lb short. They had him try again a month later. He drank protein shakes, ate as much of Mom’s fantastic cooking as he could, and worked out. I remember him chugging Gatorade in the kitchen before his appointment. He weighed in at 118 lb - one pound short of the cut off at 119! He got a waiver from the Surgeon General to be accepted! He was 5’10”. I remember it was sometime when I was in college when he finally passed me up in weight. 😀
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| Marshall at age 17 at Basic Training Graduation, showing us his pristine locker. See his camo hat on the top shelf? |
Anyways, back to his camo cap. His hat was a size 7, which actually fits my 9-year-old and my 6-year-old sons pretty well. We gave the cap to Silas when he was 6, and he has worn that camo hat everywhere since, multiple times a week. Then, he lost it! He was devastated (as was I!). We looked everywhere, racked our brains for where he last had it, and prayed. Months went by and we thought it was gone forever. I thought about going to a military surplus store and buying a replacement. But that just wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be Marshall’s. I was so sad. Then in September, we were packing for a trip to Boston and were looking everywhere for my son’s rain jacket. We couldn’t find it anywhere! My husband relooked in the places Silas had already looked. He looked in the attic inside the pocket of a big suitcase that my boys had been playing with. (They like to set up Army stations in the attic.) Stuffed at the bottom of the suitcase pouch, he found two items. The rain jacket, and Marshall’s camo hat! Praise the Lord! Silas whooped and hollered! I cried. And I daresay he wore that camo hat every day on our Boston trip (when he wasn’t dressed as a British red coat)!
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| Silas at age 6 |
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| Silas at Boston Public Gardens |
I am learning to trust God in all things, that he is good in all and through all. This year I have finally thanked God for the accident. It took me over several days to say it. At first, the thought came to me: I am holding the accident against the Lord’s goodness! Do I believe he was good even in the way he took Marshall? I either believe in a good God who is good in all things and powerful over all including my brothers’ tragic accident, or He’s not good. There is no exception or in-between. I decided that the only way to view God is by being good all the time in all things. Therefore, the accident was no accident. Sometimes he allows evil for his purpose. No, let me restate that. He always allows evil for his purposes. In fact, no evil occurs apart from his good purposes. So I said, “Ok Lord, thank you for … help me to thank you for …” And that’s all I could utter that day. A few days went by, and finally I was able to pray:
“Thank you Lord for my brothers’ accident. Thank you for taking Marshall in the way that you did. And thank you for saving Mason and sparing his life! Thank you that there was no better plan for Marshall’s life or our lives than the one you made. You write the best stories. There could be no better way. If there was a better way, you would have done it. Amen”
Whew. Acceptance. Only took me 18 years.
