I don't really have anything new to say. I just need to say something right now ... The tenth 22nd of my life without Marshall came and went. I worked on Saturday, 7am to 3pm. My heart felt heavy all day. I cried on the way home, and when I got home from work. I was short with Derek. Finally I told him I was sad because of Marshall. He just held me and let me cry. There isn't really much one can do I guess. I wanted my mom. We understand each other.
Ten was Marshall's favorite number. He was born on 10/10. For some reason it was hard for me to except this 22nd. 10 just seems too close to one year. But in some ways I am looking forward to Nov. 22nd because I want to remember Marshall. There is something so healing for me in thinking about him and all the good memories. But there is also so much pain. I guess it's that I long for him so much that there is a little pleasure in having the memories of him ...
I can't write anymore. Too many tears. I'll find something better to say another time.
I lift up my eyes to the hills -
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
- Psalm 121:1-2
Love,
Heidi
