There is this Superchick song that I have heard a million times but I heard it again today and it was like something hit me over the head. I guess I haven't heard it since the accident.

The song is on their website, http://www.superchickonline.com/index2.html. It's kind of a cheesy song overall, or maybe it just sounds that way to me because I have heard it so much. But it just reminds me that what happened to my family is not like this huge tragedy that has never happened before; things like this happen all the time. Death is here. It seems that every person has a tragedy to tell.

There's a cross
on the side of the road
where a mother lost her son
how could she know
that the morning he left
would be their last time
she'd trade with him for a little more time
she could say she loved him one last time
and hold him tight
but with life we never know
when we're coming up to the end of the road
so what do we do then
with tragedy around the bend?

[chorus]
we live, we love
we forgive and never give up
cuz the days we are given
are gifts from above
and today we remember to live and to love

There's a man
who waits for the tests to
see if the cancer has spread yet
and now he asks
so why did I
wait to live till it was time to die
if I could have the time back how I'd live
life is such a gift
so how does the story end?
well this is your story
and it all depends
so don't let it become true
get out and do what we were meant to do

Waking up to another dark morning
People are mourning
The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day is a gift somehow someway
So get our heads up out of the darkness
And spark this new mindset and start to live life cuz it ain’t gone yet
And tragedy is a reminder to take off the blinders
And wake up and live the life we’re supposed to take up
Moving forward with all our heads up cuz life is worth living

The second verse struck me as well about something my roommate Blanca has been sharing with us. She has a friend who has cancer on his brain stem. She went to see him last weekend and she said he is completely different from how he was a few years ago before the cancer. He can't move, speak, or swallow, and he can't really see. All he can do is nod his head.
As she was sharing I just kept think, "God, why, why? Why is there so much pain and sadness and death and sickness in this world? Couldn't there be another way?" I just have to ask that question; I don't really need an answer. I think everyone asks that question at least once in their life. I feel like I do all the time, especially about Marshall stuff and when I see or hear about something so sad in nursing school. It is just so hard to believe sometimes that God has a super huge plan for everything and we just have to believe that it is amazing and that is all works together for good. I cannot WAIT to see that big plan and have God explain to me His purposes for things like this.

I guess it makes us go to Him. Desperate circumstances make us desperately rely on God. And that is a good thing. The best thing. I have felt the closest to God at the lowest points in my life: those times when I feel like everything is out of my control and I have nothing else I can do and I am just on my knees (or more frequently, under the bed) crying and telling God I need Him and can't do anything without Him. But those have been some of the most amazing moments in my life, when I feel God's presence the strongest. He is there and He cares and loves me so much.
Jesus says, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Love,
Heidi