It seems the things that remind me of Marshall come in waves. I'm in one of those waves. It started with my daughter asking to use colored pencils, so I brought out a big red pencil case. They were Marshall's pencils. Every single one of them was perfectly sharpened. Many were only a few inches long and sharpened on both ends. He was a good artist, very detailed and precise, and of course would never waste any part of a colored pencil. He would draw scenes to his ever-expanding story and tape sheets of paper together in a long folding packet. The story included lots of creative vehicles, terrain, and good guys fighting bad guys.
I was listening to dc Talk and of course I cannot NOT listen to that without thinking of Marshall and Mason. Nu Thang and Free at Last on cassette tape - those were the classics. Marshall and Mason used to put on backwards hats and do the rap from Luv is a Verb together in the kitchen: "Back in the day there was a man - a man!..." They were the cutest little white rapper brothers!
I thank God for the one-of-a-kind boy/man He made in Marshall. I know he was only meant to live 20 years here, but my heart aches for him, in all his unique Marshallness. I like to look at our "Marshall shelf" in our living room when I'm missing him. It has the candle with the black ribbon that was at our wedding, my copy of the Marshall memory book, a cross, and a photo of him taken by Michele just days before the accident. God only meant us to have 20 years with him - just 20 years on this earth, that was his life, completed.
Oh Marshall, my brother, part of me died when you died. And I am never the same. None of us are, even 8 years without you. I can now talk about it with strangers without crying, most of the time, but there is still The Ache that comes at times and never fully goes away.
2 comments:
Heidi, thanks again for this encouraging post. Remembering & mourning loss has a strange way of bringing an element of healing, that I do not yet understand.
Marshall's personality was/is very unique. No one in our family or close relative has a personality like him that I can think of. If I was to describe him to someone, I don't know who to compare him with. Does anyone know of someone like Marshall in his wit or demeanor? Let me know if you do. Each person's personality is a gift to that person and the others that know them. Marshall was a gift to us from God for an appointed time.
Thanks for sharing this with us, Heidi. I like that you have a Marshall shelf. And that is so special that Tirzah can color with Marshall's pencils! Has she ever seen home videos of him? I remember watching some taken of him when he was a little boy; it'd be neat for her to see her Uncle Marshall at her age. :)
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