Marshall's Slideshow

Update: Slideshow can now be viewed from the link in this post.

Original Post:

I made a slideshow of pictures of Marshall. I made it just for me because it helps me to go through all the memories again, but I thought it would mean a lot if I posted it for everyone. So here you go.

This is only a shadow of Marshall. There is nothing that can show who he really was adequately, but in this project I tried to preserve some of his uniqueness. The first song is "In the Secret," which was one of the songs we sung at his funeral. It was special to Marshall because it was a song we used to sing at our church (Liveoak) and when he went to a different church when he was in the Army, he was encouraged when they sang this familiar song. The second song is by Marshall's favorite band, Demon Hunter. It is actually my favorite song by them and I know it was one of Marshall's as well. Listen closely as the lyrics are very appropriate for Marshall's situation. It brings me to tears.

There are two files:
large file with music (35 MB) [click to download]
smaller file without music (13 MB) [click to download]

They are in zip folders so you have to just extract the file to view it. The slideshow is pretty long, a little over 10 min. Plan ahead before you watch this: it may be hard to sit through, especially if you knew Marshall and/or his family well.

I still miss him dearly. Some days are seemingly normal and others are terrible. There is a hole in my heart that will never be filled. It has been a little over 4 months.

Please comment if you have anything to say, any reaction to the slideshow, any suggestions, etc. You can also email me.

Love,
Heidi

More A Grief Observed

"... all human relationships end in pain - it is the price that our imperfection has allowed Satan to exact from us for the privilege of love."

- C. S. Lewis' step-son Douglas Gresham

in the introduction to A Grief Observed

Heidi

A Grief Observed

Over the Christmas break, my family read A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis. He wrote it when his wife of 4 years died of cancer. It is a passionate and honest journal of a man's struggle with grief and thoughts about life, death, and God. He originally published it under the pseudonym N. W. Clerk, but so many people gave it to him as a gift because they thought it would help him in his grief that he revealed the authorship. Perhaps my dad will give a sermon on it some day; it so affected him. I will post quotes from the book every once and a while that impacted me the most.

The opening line: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

Heidi

Marshall's Car

Mom took this picture of Marshall soon after he bought his car.

Mason and I had quite an adventure the past two days! After the Army Memorial Service for Marshall in Fort Hood on Thursday morning, Mason and I drove up to Dallas to pick up Marshall's Toyota MR2 that had been there for a few months. Marshall had a new engine put in it with turbo, a turbo timer, some new stuff for the clutch, and I don't know what else. Well, when we got to the mechanic, he said it still wasn't ready and to come back in a few hours. Right. So Mace and I got dinner together and saw a movie (Night in the Museum - pretty good), and then called him back around 8pm since we hadn't heard from him yet. He said he would call us back in 20 min. Nope. After sitting in the parking lot of the movie theatre for an hour, we decided to make our way over to the shop. Well he ended up working on it really late, so we called up a friend and he let us stay with him at his parents' house! The mechanic said he would work on it through the night and we could pick it up in the morning. In the morning we went to the shop at around 10:30, and, surprisingly, he was almost done with it. We finally left Dallas at around noon that day, with the car! I had fun driving around Dallas, getting lost, and hanging out with Mason. I like adventures. I only wish this didn't have to be done under these circumstances. The car is a sharp reminder of Marshall and who he was.

More later.
Heidi

Army Memorial Service

The Army is having a special memorial service just for Marshall next week. It is so late because November 22 marked the beginning of their holiday, so they had to schedule it later in January. The memorial service is this Thursday, January 11, at 10:00am at Fort Hood. We need to know as soon as possible if you plan on attending because the Army needs to know how many seats to reserve for us. I will be there with the rest of my family (except Hannah). You can reply to this post or email Dad or me.

I hope you all had a merry Christmas. This was a hard one for us but it was good. I hope to update you all soon.

Love,
Heidi

Getting Better All The Time

A common activity for Mace: playing Ricky's Wii that he graciously left for him until he comes back to Austin for Christmas.

Mason’s condition continues to improve. He went to the outpatient burn clinic on Saturday and had hardly any debridement at all. Mom said they basically did the same thing she does at home (which includes cleaning the wounds, applying ointment, and wrapping in bandages). They want Mason to come back next Saturday, but Dad said they probably won’t go because he doesn’t think it is necessary unless Mom needs more supplies or something. He only has bandages on his lower right leg now and has been up and about more often. He uses crutches but today he has been walking a little bit without them! It is like a “sliding limp” - I don’t really know what to call it – but I think the fact that he has started moving without crutches is great no matter how it looks! :-) He says he has to get better for his soccer game on January 4th – umm, I don’t think that is going to happen. I think he says it half-jokingly. That has been one thing really amazing about this whole thing: Mason has been so light-hearted and cheerful! I can’t imagine what it would be like if we were all emotionally exhausted AND Mason would be down or irritable or something. But he is always making us laugh by his jokes and witty comments. It is such a joy for me to be at home with my family during this time. I am almost done with finals; my last one is on Tuesday at 2pm and I have been studying a lot for it. I have to pass it to pass the class, so yeah, that is something you can pray for me.

Thank you to everyone who reads this blog and also to those who post comments. I think it has been something that has helped me in the healing process as it gives me an outlet to share how I am feeling. Knowing that people care about me and my family is so comforting. I thank my God for you!

Love,
Heidi

Marshall's Maple

Today we planted a Bigtooth Maple tree in our backyard in memory of Marshall. It has a few yellow leaves on it right now but in the spring it will have green leaves, which will hopefully turn bright red in the fall. For the past two days Madison has been working on the place in the yard for the tree. He took down a section of our fence (we eventually want to put a chain-link fence in the back so that we can see people playing soccer or whatever in the way-back), moved the sand box into the shed, and dug a big hole for the tree. Here are some photos of Derek and Dad working on planting it.

They cut the plastic tree pot with a little hand saw because they couldn't pull the tree out.

They later resorted to an electric saw for the bottom of the pot.

All planted and watered.

Love,
Heidi

Ben's Words at Marshall's Funeral

When I first heard the news, I couldn’t believe it. It is hard to imagine a world without such an amazing friend by my side, much less to accept it as reality.

It's kind of funny, but my best memory of him is the only time we ever fought. It was in paintball and he had a new gun which seemed to just fire all the time. He had tagged me, but didn’t hear me call myself out, so he just kept shooting. Well, I got pretty mad and we ended up about four feet away from each other still shooting, and in a lot of pain. I still have scars from that. But I think it showed how strong our friendship was, because we always looked back on that and laughed.

Although I mourn his absence, I now understand the true nature of heaven and its eternal joy, for in the face of death, one thought shines through: the face of Marshall within heaven’s gates, welcoming me at last to my home.

- Ben Lopez, November 29, 2006

Family Update

Hi, Everyone,

Things are not changing as rapidly as they have been for the past few weeks. With Mason being home now, things seems a tiny but more "normal" but it will never feel the same. Last night we had dinner together as family (well, without Hannah and Marshall of course) for the first time in a really, really long time. I like routine, and having meals together at home really refreshes me.

Madison's school is letting him off for the rest of the month! It was hard for him to focus on school and we would love to have him home.

Mason is doing well. Mom does his dressing changes in the morning. He goes to outpatient on Saturday. He still can't put any weight on his right foot, but he is getting proficient with his crutches. He went up and down the stairs twice yesterday!

I have been trying to be faithful with my school work; Derek has been a huge help and supporter to me in that. I took a performance exam yesterday, I have a final tomorrow, a make-up test on Friday, and then my last final is next Tuesday, the 19th. Sometimes it is hard to focus on studying, but I really want to get this semester over with so I can move on and have my Christmas break.

Hannah has called frequently and is really busy with catching up in school and work. I can't wait to see her when she comes back to Austin for Christmas! I miss her so much.

Mom is starting to cook and clean and do her mom things again ... when she made my lunch for me last week I knew she was doing well. :-) Christmas has been a huge issue to work through ... none of us felt like we wanted to have Christmas this year. But after talking about it together, we decided to try to do things as normally as possible. I offered to help Mom with Christmas decorations and such ... I think Derek and I are going to try to get a tree on Friday. It is hard to go on, but I think doing at least some of our Christmas traditions this year as family will help in the healing process. Plus, we don't want to skip out on celebrating the birth of our Savior.

Dad is glad he doesn't have to work for the rest of the year. He has a long to-do list but he is so faithful to do the tasks set before him. Mom said to us kids yesterday, "You guys don't even realize how most guys are not like this." Dad always called it the "do-it-now principle" and he lives his life by it.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, notes, calls, and gifts. God is faithful and He continues to sustain us.

Love,
Heidi


P.S. If you have any questions, or want me to update you on something specific, just make a comment to this post or email me or something. :-)

Mason is going home!!!

Mason got discharged today! His wound care this morning went really well, and they only bandaged his lower right leg and his left ankle; the rest they left open to air. His IV was discontinued and he has a prescription for oral pain medication. I am so excited to have him home! It will be nice to be together at home instead of back and forth from the hospital. He will stay downstairs on the fold-out couch and can use crutches to get around. He will go to the outpatient burn center at Brackenridge on Sunday and probably every few days after that. Mom will do his dressing changes and help with his mobility. I hope I can help too.

Praise God for his quick recovery and that he can go home today. Thank you all so much for your prayers.

Love,
Heidi